i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize