I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think my vagina is haunted
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
