I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
