I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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