I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
