Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
