I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
