that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
