I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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