we have pet lesbian snakes
My nipple is on Facebook.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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