He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Congratulations! We have a period
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