I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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