well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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