If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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