hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
