Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
