Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
