He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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