it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
