I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
