I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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