Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
