I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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