just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
