Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
