I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
her facebook's as public as her vagina
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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