ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
