i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
