Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
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You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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