I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
