So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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