he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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