I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
