So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
