Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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