do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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