so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
