my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
