I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
