I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
