i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
