the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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