im drinking this country out of the recession.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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