so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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