PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
