my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
