Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
