I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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