i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
this is an emotional support booty call
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
