your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
