guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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