I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
