He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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