I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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