He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just gargled with NyQuil
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
