also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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