i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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