so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
