you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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