So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The Olympian is in my bed
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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