Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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