It was confusing and full of hummus
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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