No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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