Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
