some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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