I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
