Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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