I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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